you know when you’re watching a movie, and you see two characters fall in love and express it physically and it’s just so…passionate. i’ve never really experienced that. it’s like when i have sex it’s like, step 1 BAM, step 2 BAM BAM, step 3 BOOM BOOM POW, step 4 BANG! etc. etc… like a porno really. and i’m refering to the shit guys watch nowadays, not that softcore storyline porn. i feel like i’m going through the motions, kind of. i mean i’m aware of what i’m doing during, but my normal thought process takes backseat to my pornstar mentality. like okay, the way you reminisce about a normal memory you know exactly how you felt at the time, where your head was at, everything about it. but for me when i look back at sexual experiences it’s kind of a blur.

i feel like porn really does us(people who do watch it) a disservice. when we lose our virginity we pretty much know what to expect because we’ve seen it already. we do what we saw, instead of learning on our own. therefore taking away some of the specialness of it.

idk there’s not really a conclusion to this thought. i guess the damage is done? maybe i could slow down and savor the moment? oh well.

i mean it’s not like i’m going to stop watching porn.